The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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