just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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