....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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