What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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