How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
dude. I can hear the air.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
