Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
