Don't make out with my wife yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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