you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
