I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
