Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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