i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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