gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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