..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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