at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
