after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
