I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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