Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think i peed on brittanys purse
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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