She is in my trunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
