I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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