8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize