She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
