I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need moral support for this bender
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
