She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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