he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
