what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
