Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
