sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
