belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
