I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
