Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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