I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
