now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
