Just fell off a train. Bad.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
