Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
