Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
