Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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