I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
