Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
