so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
