...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
