I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
