i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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