There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
