this just has baby written all over it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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