I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
