That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
