Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
