You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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