What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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