it wasn't lemon gatorade
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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