he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
