just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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