My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
