my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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