Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to align my fucking chakras
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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