I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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