this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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