I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
