I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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