I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
