i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
