It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
please come you make the beer taste better
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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