I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
