Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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