i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
