I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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