i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
