And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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