I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
