Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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