I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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