a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize