Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
