Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
