I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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