Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
