I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
