I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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