If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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