I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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