I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
