Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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