hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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